Monday, May 28, 2007
From my heart...
So YC was definitely the best weekend of my life.but now it's over..and I don't know what to do with myself.It was definitely an amazing time, I got to know my friends way better, I got to know myself a whole lot better and I would like to think I got to know God a bit better too.
I think over the weekend I found out what kind of person I am, and really...in all honesty, I don't like me so much.I'm selfish, I hold grudges, I get mad easily, and I over react to absolutely everything!
The whole weekend God just kind of told me that I need to change the way I'm living, I need to live for him, and not myself. But I don't know how. I suck at change, and I hate it, so this could get bumpy.I don't know why, but I'm sitting here right now crying...I want so badly for everything to change, and to be able to live a Godly life, but I don't know if I can...I don't know if I can just put everything into God's hands and hope it'll work out...I'm too...stubborn, and independent.
This is really hard to deal with, and I know I can't do it alone.
I need God's help, and his love to guide me.
I want so badly to live a brave life for him, to have people look at me and say "wow. something's different about her." But first I have to accept the fact that I am who I am for a reason, God made me this way on purpose, and He loves me.
This might take a while..but I'm hoping that I'll get there eventually.
Amanda at 4:24 PM